The Gift of Time
Be it work or personal, it seemed there was never enough time in a day to do everything I wanted, or needed to do. It was a chronic problem and my hair was always on fire. So I’d multi-task and over-extend and yet somehow I’d get things done. Now, time has taken on a whole new meaning as I go through this journey where I am forced to take it easy and slow myself down. Before stress would motivate, even excite me, but now stress hurts in ways I never imagined. Slowing down means I’m not allowed to do simple things I’ve always taken for granted, like go to work, travel, garden, gather friends for a party, clean house, shop, eat out, or walk my two dogs alone. The biggest excitement of my day is watching roomba clean the floors.
Throughout my career, I have been fortunate to have a job I love and fulfills me in many ways. It is challenging, complicated and often frustrating work that requires patience (which many of you know I have to work at) and the ability to work with a diverse group of people. I feel fortunate to work with many good, good people. I am two years from retirement and while you plan for life events, you really don’t know how well you plan until unexpected events such as this occurs. My planning didn’t cover 7 months of leave to deal with cancer. Thanks to the generosity of my co-workers who have donated leave to me, I have been given the gift of time to help get me through to the end of my treatment. Time to take time to focus on my recovery and get through this with as little stress as possible. I will forever be deeply grateful to all the anonymous co-workers who have given me this amazing gift.
From the beginning of this event, my family and friends have been generous with their time, traveling to Denver to be with me for chemo and help make my life easier. They have cooked, cleaned, held my hand and been my cheerleader. They give me tough love when I’m not taking care, like trying to insert myself in their work in my garden. They lift my spirit with their prayers and unconditional love. They cry with me as I express both my fear of a painful death and my gratitude for the wonderful life I have lived. Their gift of time spent with me has helped hold me up.
I am grateful to my many friends in Denver who have taken time to cook nourishing meals, keep me company while Scott is at work, take out the garbage, recycling, compost, walk me and pups 3 miles around the lake and never complain about having to pick up dog poop. It takes a good friend to to do that!
I never thought of time as a gift until now. When I am feeling my attitude take a dive, I take the time for a walk. Being outside is the most healing thing I do for myself. I take time to enjoy all the natural beauty around me, spring flowers, baby ducks and beautiful views. I lose myself in all the beauty around me and it makes me happy and grateful to be alive.
I’ve been having up days and down days. A week ago Friday my blood count was too low to get chemo. That makes it two times I’ve missed chemo because I was in nadir and as a result the Doc is lowering the dose so I don't continue to miss chemo sessions. I don’t want to give those cancer cells any advantage. I never thought I’d say this, but yesterday morning I was praying my blood count was high enough to get my weekly chemo treatment. It was and I got the double dose. Once the steroids wear off, usually by Saturday evening, I will begin to feel the effects of the double dose and be down for 4 or 5 days. I’ll be tired, nauseous, and unable to eat or drink water. I’ll have a chill that even the sun won’t warm. But, I can take short walks with oyster crackers and that helps with the nausea. Bring it on! When I start feeling better, I will get up and start over by taking my long walks (3 - 7 miles), cook, hydrate and eat.
You may be interested to know I haven't lost my hair. It is very thin on top and I have some bald spots that are covered by my curls and it has turned blonde! Not sure where that came from! I look a wreck in the morning with a mohawk and bald spots showing. A testament to Scott’s love for me, he still thinks I am beautiful! I expect this next double dose will be the end of the hair and we’ll have the shaving the head party we’ve been planning. My beloved friends Dianna and her daughter Andrea have donated Andrea’s hair to make me a wig. This loving, generous gesture by beautiful Andrea still brings tears to my eyes.
Time, how precious it is. In our busy, multitasking, overextended lives we must take time to slow it down and enjoy the life we have. Stress is a killer. Each day is a blessing. Thank you for taking time to read my blog!
Thank you, walkers!
Taking time for beauty
