Vanity

When I was a little girl, I adored my aunt Laura's long braids that reached to her waist. You didn't see her wear them loose unless you caught her early in the morning. During the day she'd wrap them several times around her head like a crown. I thought to myself, when I am an old woman I am going to wear my hair down to my waist in a long braid. I am not going to be a slave to dyes and will let my curly hair be wild and free. That was the plan.

As it turned out, once the grey started to appear, I did become a slave to dyes and expensive hair care potions.  I had the best stylists helping maintain my mane.  Given my proclivity for wearing my hair in a braid, ball caps, or a topknot pretty much every day of the week, I now appreciate the irony of all that effort. Is it simply vanity?  Why does hair define so much of who we are? And it’s not just women, I remember when I was in my 30’s and a male friend was in tears as he showed me his thinning hair.  I’ll be bald by 40! I didn’t see it and consoled him, telling him it was just his imagination. He still has a head of hair all these years later.

Today my mom Catharine and my dearest friend Holly took me for haircut #1. I saw it as gearing up for the battle, and so there were no tears. Haircut #2 will be a close crop cut, and I expect that may be a bit difficult. Or maybe the tears will come when I begin to find strands on my pillow and it will be time to shave my head that I will cry about this vanity, my hair.

So my plan to have long hair into my old age like Aunt Laura didn’t work out. I’m willing to lose my hair to beat this battle.  It will be ok to cry, but hey, I can buy a nice wig, I’ve always wanted straight hair.  Or not and stick to a ball cap.

Susanna & Holly after haircut #1